Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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