She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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