I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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