Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sext me about skeletons
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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