you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
