I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
