I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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