I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
