Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
