how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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