woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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