im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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