Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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