i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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