No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
