Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
