Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
