i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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