You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
