My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
