I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need a burrito and a hug.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
