WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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