Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
