just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm both gender and math confused
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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