He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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