At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
