She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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