This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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