Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
