dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
