he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
