haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
