he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize