I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
