I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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