You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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