The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
