this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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