I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
