Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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