So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
