Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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