He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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