walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
