I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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