cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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