JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize