if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize