dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
