So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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