I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
