Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
