I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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