That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
