shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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