ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
