speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
