you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
