Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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