well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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