elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
