Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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