she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
