This girl is more easily done than said...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
